By Alexandra Nash
Understanding Behaviour That Challenges at Home:
A Guide for Families and Supporters
Caring for a loved one at home can be one of the most meaningful things you do—but it can also be incredibly tough, especially when the person you’re supporting shows signs of distress, aggression, or confusion.
These behaviours can be upsetting, but they’re often not what they seem. In this blog, we’ll explore what “behaviour that challenges” really means, why it happens, and how you can respond with calm, confidence, and compassion.
🧠 What Is Behaviour That Challenges?
“Behaviour that challenges” refers to actions that may cause harm, distress, or disruption to the person themselves or those around them. This might include:
- Shouting or swearing
- Refusing help or care
- Hitting, pushing, or throwing things
- Hurting themselves
- Acting in ways that seem unusual or inappropriate
But here’s the key: this behaviour is often a form of communication.
It may be the person’s way of saying:
- “I’m in pain.”
- “I’m scared or confused.”
- “I don’t understand what’s happening.”
- “I feel overwhelmed.”
When we shift from reacting to understanding, we can respond in ways that truly help.
🔍 Why Does This Happen?
There are many reasons someone might behave in a challenging way, especially if they’re living with:
- Dementia
- A learning disability
- A mental health condition
- A neurological condition (like Parkinson’s or stroke recovery)
Common triggers include:
- Pain or discomfort (e.g. illness, hunger, needing the toilet)
- Changes in routine or unfamiliar people
- Sensory overload (e.g. loud noises, bright lights, too many people)
- Feeling ignored, rushed, or disrespected
- Loneliness or emotional distress
- Difficulty understanding or expressing themselves
🧠 Tip: Try to see the behaviour as a message. Ask yourself, “What might they be trying to tell me?”
🛠️ 17 Practical Ways to Respond
The Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI) has developed a set of simple, effective strategies that anyone can use to help calm a difficult situation. These are especially useful in home settings.
✅ 10 Core Tips for Calming Challenging Behaviour
1. Stay Calm and Kind
Speak gently. Your calmness helps them feel safe.
2. Give Them Space
Don’t crowd them. Step back if they seem overwhelmed.
3. Watch Your Body Language
Keep your posture relaxed and your face neutral.
4. Don’t Take It Personally
Their behaviour is about how they’re feeling—not about you.
5. Focus on Feelings, Not Just Actions
Try saying, “You seem upset—can I help?”
6. Avoid Arguments
If they ask something challenging, gently change the subject.
7. Offer Simple Choices
“Would you like tea or juice?” gives them a sense of control.
8. Pick Your Battles
Ask: is this unsafe, or just different from how I’d do it?
9. Use Silence
Don’t rush to fill the silence. Let them think.
10. Be Patient
Let them take their time to respond. Pressure can make things worse.
➕ 7 Extra Tips for Home Settings
1. Find a Quiet Space
If others are around, gently guide the person to a calmer area.
2. Breathe and Slow Down
Your tone and pace can either calm or escalate the situation.
3. Avoid Sudden Movements
Move slowly and stay at eye level if possible.
4. Keep It Simple
Use short sentences and avoid complicated explanations.
5. Repeat What They Say
“So you’re saying you feel rushed?” This shows you’re listening.
6. Let Silence Work
Sometimes, just being there quietly is enough.
7. Practise and Reflect
Think about what worked and what didn’t. Every situation teaches you something.
🚨 When to Get Help
If the behaviour becomes dangerous or you’re worried about safety, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Contact your GP, social worker, or local support services if you notice:
- Sudden aggression or violence
- Self-harm or threats to others
- Refusal to eat, drink, or take medication
- Confusion that’s getting worse
- Unsafe wandering or falls
📞 In an emergency, always call 999.
💛 Looking After Yourself
Caring for someone at home can be exhausting—physically and emotionally. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Make sure you:
- Take regular breaks
- Talk to someone you trust
- Ask for support from professionals or local carers’ groups
- Don’t try to do it all alone
You matter too.
🏡 Creating a Calmer Home Environment
- Keep things predictable—routines help people feel safe
- Reduce noise and clutter
- Use pictures or labels to help with understanding
- Respect their personal space and belongings
- Follow any care plans or advice from professionals
💬 Final Thought
Challenging behaviour isn’t about being difficult—it’s about being in distress. When we respond with patience, empathy, and understanding, we can make a real difference in someone’s life.
“Behaviour is not the problem—it’s the clue.”
Let’s listen to what it’s trying to tell us.
📚 Helpful Resources
Training and resources on behaviour management and de-escalation strategies.
Practical advice for carers supporting adults with challenging behaviour.
Information and support for families of people with learning disabilities.
Guidance for families and professionals supporting children with challenging behaviour.
Advice, helplines, and community support for unpaid carers across the UK.